desperation

What is my purpose? Try hard… I know I can, I know I can try but try at what? And God why does it hurt so bad? Because I’m afraid of getting hurt after I did get hurt? Oh freak the world screams me me me scratch the opponent who yells louder wins first prize what is made to be distorted

banshee screams and then it is gone
leaving dreams related to scathing nightmares, cycle after cycle, embedded so closely – we are working hard, but what for?

try, brittle heart O you of little faith
capsize this ship turn tantrums into cloud-filled skies sailing above
and I have a view, a vision of horizon different from 1 degree off
that takes materialism and common sense into a hazy heaven no one obscures. road wide way main easy rot

run run run away from it all
from those tell me I’m so small
captive imagination comes to flight… I think I went to heaven and I am now in hell

Wishing upon a Singapore star that fades

What can I do but go on? And this I will. Take my angsty spirit.

I lost my honesty. I lost my truth.

I gotta say…Jesus is awesome

More than enough for me Jesus…

I must apologise for writing such random and sporadic posts here. On top of that my moods seem to veer from sky-high to crashing to the ground rock-bottom between posts. I will update more when I have the time. And when I have clarity in my thoughts.

I just can’t believe how good Jesus is to me. He saved my friend from going to hell. He gave me freedom in Christ. He gave me a brand new start. He loves me. He is my peace, my strength, my firm foundation. He gave me the opportunity to come to Melbourne and live in a peaceful place with no war. He introduced me to such a lively, bubbly plethora of friends so my life is never lonely. He is with me every moment of the day. He gave me life!!! He gave me great parents, an awesome home situation and a lovely brother. He gave me riches.

Planetshakers newest album “All for Love” is out! Pick it up everybody! I’ll be back in Singapore on June the 13th! Just in time for my parent’s 20 dunno-what-th wedding aniversary. Wow, thank you God for being in their marriage!

Hebrews 13:5. No matter what. He loves me! I feel so secure. =) On a note, mentioned that I was seeking to forgive and heal deep emotional wounds in my heart? I emailed Z and very honestly said what I felt. And when I recieved an email reply from London… I know its over. Make a clean cut and now I am free to begin life in a new situation. Stripped of the emotional baggage I (unknowingly) carried for too many years of my young-woman life. Beautiful Woman is happening in 3 days time! Where I become a beautiful woman, inside – out

11 more days. 6000 more words. 2 drafts. awesome church. beautiful melbourne. no where else can one cycle in the streets feel gentle rain-clouds on my cheekbones. And actually be riding in the cold cloud (usually up above). The fog hovering around Melbourne has made it too beautiful to describe the past 2 days. then to moist Singapore. 12 participants. 12 interviews. many transcriptions. lovely friends, family, loved ones to meet. More of Jesus. Wow. can’t wait!