Since coming to Melbourne

Since I got to Melbourne, my flight had been fine, and the dinner at Crystal Jade with family was a nice send-off. The last chinese cuisine I’d get to eat in a looong time. On the flight I was seated next to this Indian gentleman who went to visit his family in India. A reminder of the global world now am in.

The leader’s retreat at OCF was as expected, giving a good direction in the coming year. Good for reflection and getting priorities right. There’s a lot I want to say about it…

I apologise for my online absence; have been cleaning my room for 2 days (part-time work at nights) and although it looks considerably more sightly, there are still plastic bag strewn across the floor and my workstation is a heap of papers, glue bottles and various stationary paraphernelia. (And also what can be vaguely classified in the realm of stationary; such as playing cards.)

Listen to this.
Emotional Well-being
Your home away from home
“Those first few days in a new environment can be the most difficult. The University may seem overwhelming and alienating, and many students experience feelings of homesickness and loneliness.” blah blahblah. “During the orientation period, use all the opportunities available to meet people and get to know the University.”
well, for one 1) I’ve been here for 3 years, but I still feel that way. ‘Lost’, ‘alienated’ and all that.
2) Opportunities available don’t come close to even describing the cultural difference between Aussies and Internationals.

“It is natural to experience a degree of culture shock upon arrival in Melbourne. You may find adapting to the Australian culture distressing and overwhelming, especially if it is very different from that back at home.”

Arrival 2005
When I initially arrived in Melbourne in 2005, my own motivation stemmed from a desire to prove I was stronger, I was more mature that various herds of International Students that had trapised my way and gone overseas. Perhaps desperately, within I was a little lost within, and grieving over many issues.

In my first semester, a dear friend asked what had led me to come to Melbourne. After earnestly searching my mental psysche for several gruelling, long, silence-filled moments, the answer which emerged out of my gut was an astounding – ‘It seemed to be the easiest thing to do.’ Often, answers that come out that way show not an immense amount of effort has been put into plotting out of that decision.

I love that dear friend, and only later, a year had passed and reflection and contemplating my predicament in the depths of my heart…I know, of course God had purposed me to set foot here. But one part of the conversation at Coretto’s (yes, I still remember, Venetia) was her philosophical (woah, huh) line… “I think people are trying to run away from something. Every one runs away from something when they go overseas. Its easier to forget about life if you aren’t there. And you can start again, away from everybody. Don’t you think its cowardly? But sometimes its the best thing to do.” [paraphrased version]

Often, when people say something is ‘best’, they either have not thought about it very much, or they are deluding themselves. Since when is a thing best? Who gets to decide what ‘best’ entails anyway? A job paying 18 dollars an hour? Or an i-pod nano won in an intellectual contest?

Often have come so close to regretting and wondering why I was doing this course in the first place. I know we have to be positive, and not to regret the things/opportunities afforded us in life, but give me a space to gripe for a while, and I promise I’ll move on after that. =p

Sigh. I went to apply for a subject ‘Human Resource Management’ yesterday; found out to my despair Arts students are ‘not eligible’ to apply. Arts appeals to be a very broad spectrum of study, yet is incredibly restrictive in certain circumspects. I know I am incredibly lucky and priveleged to be afforded the chance to study overseas, not at my own expense…sometimes I just wonder if I have chosen the wrong career path/course of study. Everything is so abstract and the people are so unfriendly.

I have even gotten used to the typical ‘bum’ (bogan) Aussie image. You know, people rotound and in various shapes, but all with the common attitude of ‘they should let us have freedom’, good wages, expressions, discovering ‘places’ (what the use is this…okay, maybe I’m not matured enough yet to see this point of view, but I don’t understand Arts and am admanant about this point).

This is just an unstructured rant but yeah. Okay, then I met Kathleen on my way home. (Tian Tian’s sister). She asked me about church and I was inviting her to mine when a Mormon approached us. Talk about the devil throwing a spanner into the works. What a crap time. She hadn’t encountered the Mormons before, and conceeded it was good I had been around, as she thought it was a church. Many people fall into that trap. I know ‘the Spirit of the Soverign Lord is upon me, he has annointed me to teach Good News to the poor’ (Isa 60:3)…at that moment I was overwhelmed from a crappy day in Uni. I just crumbled.

Yup yup. Lets just say I’m not entirely happy nor satisified with what I’m reading; Linguistics & Applied Linguistics, and Creative Writing (from the school of Culture and Communication). Whether its part of the post-teen progess of dissatisfaction leading one to carve out one’s path in life, or its just a disgruntled lady swimming in the sea of humanitiy, trying to find her own shore…I dont’ know.

I’m sorry that last paragraph was only semi-intelligble.

And so, here I am, swimming hard…hopefully I’ll be able to keep my head above, looking to the ‘Author and Perfector of our faith, that is Christ Jesus’… keep me faithful, Lord.

Reflections

When I was younger, I remeber I used to be incredibly earnest and responsible. As a kindergardener, I was even the emcee of our graduation concert. I was so precocious (will you pardon the self indulgent point of view) and somehow my life delibated and deteriorated to a point where situations became beyond my control.

Perhaps too preoccupied with chasing my dreams, I left more practical things behind. But things are not always what they seem, nor is life promising to fulfill all one’ expectations. I did not realise how the world had become something different.

Today was spent packing intensely for return to Melbourne. I feel rather accomplished, having packed shoes, clothes, books and all into three bags which are sitting semi-neatly at the foot of my bed. It has been easier for me this time.

Part of being in a world where one doenst’ belong to any school (like really belong, as I’m in a foreigh country) – is that weird people increasingly strike up funny conversations with you.

I was shopping at Queensway just two days ago, looking for a pair of jogging shoes. There was a little boy in the same aisle, whom I proceeded to slide past. When I reached for an orange pair of asics, a voice commented “I’ve got that pair of shoes”. The bandana wearing ‘boy’ turned out to be an accountant working with the economic board in Australia. She was Asian, and spoke to me about running.

It did sound a little motivational, inspirational, and MLM (multi-level marketing) but what she said did make me sad for a little while. She spoke about her passion for running, and I understand completely. She spoke about having friends who inspire you…she said this: “Have you ever had a friend who really meant something to you?” of course, I’ve had lots of those “A friend who will encourage you, and spur you on, be positive. I don’t mean those who will hold your hand-that’s crap, don’t believe that-but a friend who is positive.”

I walked out of there remembering the times in Hwa Chong, feet happly pounding the track around Chinese High. Of course we weren’t excellent in running but we did so out of sheer inspiration.

This incident occured only this morning; rather more shocking…but expected? What do I expect if I wear mismatched clothes and don’t comb my hair? But don’t tell me I have bad manners as well… okay, so I was freshly stumbled out from bed, grumpy and hair all in disarray. Intending to wake up more throughly, I went for a bleary-eyed stroll around the patchily lit condo. There was a baby tottering around the playground beneath the glass-paned gym. I smiled at his caretaker the maid…and she began a conversation. Haha, I just don’t like that she thought I was a mainlander. Malay, okay. Indonesian…still bearable. But…mainlander? haha.
At the risk of sounding incredibly racist let me say here I don’t like the attitude of certain mainlanders. They are pushy and males are chauvinistic.

Take for example, the sales woman at queensway; she knows nuts about her product; I asked what the difference was between two models of Adidas sneaker…and she tells me ‘mei she muh, liang ge dou yi yang’ in this totally blase way…and then she pressures me to make a purchase. She’s super lazy as well, cos u know salesppl usually get the shoes down from the ladder for you right, and bring it to your seat? haha well, she grumbled her way up the lader, and half-way from her perch proceeded to hand me the box. Imagine this lady balancing unsteadily on a ladder, screeching ‘xiao jie’. Meaning she expected the customer to walk over to retrieve the product from her.

Disengage me as a girl and other things from the situation for a moment, but I think that is incredibly bad customer service. Not when your customer already has her shoe off. So not only does she not want to do her job, but probably she misunderstands her role as one who is meant to intimidate the customer into buying her item. ‘Ni yao ma?’ ‘man mei de’ (yah right, like I care about how pretty a sports shoe looks; if I did, I’d probably be in a high heel boutique not in Queensway)

And please forgive the rant; it is past my bedtime.
The next time I blog, it’ll probably be when I’m back in Melbourne. So tata till then.

Quotable Quotes

Best Quotes of the Newspapers and Magazines I’ve read today:

“Not all music is good for everybody. Introverts for example, tend to prefer working in silence. Pop music distracts them easily, even though extroverts seem to thrive on them.”

Career Central, Music to Your Ears

So what have I learned?
–> I am an introvert.

And based on the recent influx of retro fashion that has been sweeping Far East and making my shopping trips unprofitable for fear of not being ‘in vogue’ a year later, this article explains this phenomenon. (haha, just realised no one will understand what I’m going on about except if you’ve been shopping with me)

” Author Ong May Anne says Singaporeans are not unique in their appitite for nostalgia, but “what’s surprising is how long it’s taken many of us to start appreciating the past.”

So what is nostalgia, and why is it hitting the Singaporean consciousness?

Conventionally defined as a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, nostalgia refers to a yearning for simpler times.

Sociologist Chua Beng Huat explains: “People tend to have a kind of selective amnesia about the past. Not only do they remember it, but they also embellish it and make it better than it really was.

Sometimes the stresses of the present make the past look a little bit more golden.”

On the other hand, for many Singaporeans, looking back at the past can confirm national and social identity, an indication of how far they have come.

Happy New Year, Gong Xi Fa Cai, Xin Nian Quai Le and have a blessed year everyone (: .

Just had a great time in the stairwell of sixth avenue cold storage, chatting over a black-pepper steak and corn dog got from cold storage and still in its plastic wrapping. Hadn’t talked for quite a while, and it was great knowing that sister better still (: sillybillybooboo