singapore

sigh…life coming back here is so different. First getting adjusted back to the pace of hectic living is something that really takes a lot of getting used to. Have been coming home at awkward hours like 10 and 11 pm (that’s when I just knock off, and maybe have dinner outside)… often I think living outside this ‘box’ makes me take a breath and look at life from a different perspective.

In singapore I think you have to be very hardy. People are not so mindful of other’s feelings…or the need to have your own space. Often the thing just has to ‘get done’. That’s good as in you forget about your worries, troubles insecurities etc etc whatever else is troubling you. But on the other side, life swims past and at the end of it, what do you have left to show for it?

Accolades and academic laurels, maybe heaps of money, prosperity, standing in the eyes of others…but relationships are torn, broken, forgotten… hidden under the heap of scrambling people…

sigh, I’m at this point in my life where I don’t either know where I am, or what I want. desperately trying to carve out a future, but I don’t see where it is either…just drifting and taking the ‘easier’ option.

on the other hand, I think a lot of nice things have happened this holiday. Was chilling out at what’s it called? something brew at…oh essential at holland village, with shups, wx and tok… suppose now is the time in life where we either feel rather carefree, or we try to drink our sorrows away and forget (I am not implicating anyone here :p) We were there after jean’s birthday, and i’m so sick of cliched farewells, and birthday celebrations and ‘oh i’ll always be your friend’ emotional things that don’t last anyway… (trust me, after a year of 21st birthday celebrations I know…) that just sitting in comfortable silence, and talking about rubbishy things and what’s happening with us is such a real and tangible relief.

And after that we took a mercedes cab home! Of course someone went on about how i was being childish making a deal of that…but i’ve never taken a merc cab before, and it was really exciting

Okay, on another note, I’ve started on the book ‘Dr Jekyll and My Hyde’, and although I’m just at the introduction, I must admit it seems rather fascinating a read. It explores the ‘psyche’ of humankind…and it seems a pretty unconventional way to break down the natural mind. For everybody is made of two things, good and evil aren’t they? It is a matter of which one they choose to listen to.

s i g h . a m I j u s t b e i n g d i f f i c u l t ? Move on! Eh what’s your problem lah. Life changes, time changes…the world moves on. Just get with the program, huh? *smack smack*! Que sara, sara. What will be, will be.

okay i got to bathe now. ramblings in excess but empty of content…

…

When I have nothing else to do, and I am paid/not meant to be a) listening to music or b) watching TV or c) socialising…I begin to write. One observation: I notice Chinese are very competitive. And they make the atmosphere uncomfortable in their striving to outdo each other….working with Indians or other races is better. They don’t expect you to be running around, or concurrently doing things. As such, there is more time to develop the craft of writing, or musing or just generally doing general things. No need to be so specific.

Retrenchment.

Retrenchment. I haven’t barely even begun to work, and already I dread the sound of that word. It seems to hang a cloud of pallor over any and every conversation it manages to seep, or creep its way into. I remember stories of it, like a deadly disease ‘happening’ to older relatives when I was young, or making my uncle or aunt and their entire family deadly serious, or acting moodily over the vacation. I remember it had the power to wipe the smiles off the faces of people.

And I hoped it would never happen to me. It never did, not at least in my memories of my direct family. Of this horrible affliction, my parents were not susceptible to this as they were being employed by the min*stry of ed*cation, or the big, large, impassable and overseeing governing body, as it was put. Of all the horrors they complained of at work, at least they were safe of the reach of this terrible, gut-wrenching, feet-pulling, migrane inducing monster.

And what should I do with my life then? Be selfless and committed to the public service, striving for a ‘greater good’? I don’t know…the two paths split, and I took the one less travelled…and that has made all the difference…there comes a time in life you just stop beliving in ideals.

Anyway, on to nicer conversation… =) I had seafood crispy noodles for lunch just! The one hour lunch break is the bright spot in everyone’s office day, a time where you can just relax out of the office.

And later I am to meet my mg* school ex-classmates for a time of dinner and talk at our all-time favourite hangout…R*ckies pizza…

working life

On one hand, sitting in an office all day, with deadlines which can be met with much less stress than that caused by studying can sound tempting…but hearing so many stories about being retrenched, getting fired, or another word that sounds good for it is ‘resigning’. I don’t know what to make of office life, exactly.

But I do admit it seems like rather a cushy job. Yes, i’ve used that word twice, but that’s what I think it is, man. Yes, staring at a computer screen for many hours a day can be rather streneous…but I think this is one of, if not the most, easy part-time job I have held in the 2 years I have been working part-time jobs.

And to top it off, I am typing this at the office. The phone is ringing, but the other workers are out for lunch, and so I am left alone, at least for a little while. The office is silent, and it is peaceful. It does seem like a viable option, when I think about it, to work in this kind of place. And is it early to realise, or late for regret that I didn’t pursue a degree in accounting, law or in medicine. I don’t know…

Just some things are not too late to regret. I think this is, though. Haha, unless I find some way to turn back time, which is not highly likely…

My Day…

I met some Hwa Chong classmates for dinner tonight, and although time has mellowed the edges of some relationships, I suppose the ease with which we converse is still there. I am so glad that our friendships have been managed to be preserved.

In that though, I realise life in Melbourne is preserved in a looking glass; one isn’t exposed to the harsher parts of life. I think it is easier to be a Christian there as everyone is a Christian (if you hang around in ocf). Good to talk to people that way. But in Singapore you interact with all types in a seccular environment…sometimes it is enough to drain you.

It is easy to feel lonely overseas. And a lot of people do get attached to have company through those tough years…but why am I thinking so complicated?

I suppose what I really have to do is to realise my priorities for myself.

Anyway, it is really difficult to find a job this time of the year for two months! I had been job hunting to three countries today, oh man, I mean agencies…why did I type that =p they sounded pretty negative. Unless I want to promote beer…Tiger beer to be precise. But I think it sounds a dodgy job…

Have been rather sick with the flu since 2007 began…what a start to the new year haha. Much mucus and tissue accompany my everywhere.

I realise when I leave Melbourne that I miss my friends and my environment, sort of. Looking at scenery in photographs reminds you of what a beautiful environment you lived in, and chatting on msn is reminscient of the conversations we had in Melbourne.

Ahaha and when I am in Melbourne, I miss Singapore. I am never satisfied lah. =p

But I am thankful to God for having both opportunities.

New Year’s Reflections

Being in the family of God is something really special. I realised that last night, as I was sitting in watchnight service. Those people who belong to a church are really blessed. =)

I have to admit I wasn’t feeling too thrilled having to go to a service at 1030 (plus I had to travel there myself, as my mother was down with the flu and my dad stayed home with her), just having spent 5 hours in church for the AGM that morning. Plus sitting in a pew, listening to a multi-lingual sermon was a bit draggy. Somehow, something prompted me to go…but I think I’m getting ahead of myself here.

This year I spent some time thinking of New Year resolutions. Admittedly, this year wasn’t a very good year, I did make many wrong decisions and I think sometimes ashamedly to admit this, but I pushed myself further away from God than I had been. But I thank Him for enveloping me in a body of believers (go OCF!) who encouraged me on and believed in me.

I really wanted to make a start to the New Year and so I joined a group of church youth to play frisbee with Grace Methodist Church youth. After playing from about 3 -7 I was bushed. That frisbee game did me a lot of good though. It opened the doors to remind me to believe in myself.

So usually at the end of the year people spend time with whom they love and care for. It is a good indication of the people they treasure. Significantly, I realised a lot of church youth were at the watchnight service. Apart from all the secular countdowns, which I realised many people are susceptible to during Jc.

Well, we bummed around then went to Newton Hawker Centre for supper, and to SW’s place for a bit. When I got home, it was almost 3 and I collapsed into bed only to be awoken by the proddings of my mother at 1 pm.

What I had been really encouraged by was the change in a member of the church’s life since the last time I saw him. He used to be a playful boy in Jc, not in the typical sense but rather his heart was flighty in church and rarely seemed to be around, come for dcg (sunday school) etc. Wasn’t really until recently he became involved in the Y. ministry in our church, and he’s changed so much from the boy I knew last year. The caring big brother and ‘concerned about the youth’ clearly was not evident two years ago.

Its the result of God working in his life, for nobody can make such a change except God.

Thank you God, for bringing me to the open spaces of Australia, letting me go and depending on You. Taking the plunge and being able to appreciate such an experience.

Thank you for watching me through 2006 and beyond into 2007.